The life that Hugh Hefner led has always been intriguing from the outside looking in, and his many girlfriends have provided some inside information over the years. However, the most prominent and most famous girlfriend was Holly Madison. She has come forward with some explosive information about what her life was really like behind the closed doors of the infamous Playboy mansion, and her story answers many of the looming questions that have kept fans wondering for a long time.
Madison has been open and honest about her first-hand experiences in the mansion, with the other girlfriends, and of course, during the times that it was just her and Hugh, alone with one another. Holly Madison is opening up and sharing the truth about her decade-long relationship with Hugh Hefner, and she has a whole lot of interesting information to share...
Holly admits that she had no idea what she was in for when she first began attending the Playboy mansion. At the time, she was a 20-year-old college student and an aspiring actress, and she wasn't really exceling at any part of her life. She wasn't happy with her living situation, and upon being invited to move in, she assumed this was going to be an advantageous move to make, considering her state of affairs at the time. Nobody mentioned to her that being intimate with Hugh Hefner was a pre-requisite to living in the mansion, but that fact suddenly revealed itself, and before she knew it, Holly Madison was heavily immersed in the Playboy lifestyle.
Fans who have wondered whether or not sobriety is an issue in the Playboy mansion, need not worry anymore. Holly Madison admits that it was common for the girlfriends to be heavily inebriated and under the influence during their time at the house, and that in fact, this was precisely the case for her.
She says she was "always wasted" when she was intimate with Hugh Hefner, and that includes the very first time she engaged in intimate activities with him. She paints a picture that suggests sobriety was a rare occurence inside the mansion.
Holly Madison has also revealed the manner in which her relationship with Hugh Hefner began to escalate beyond that of the type of relationship he shared with the other women. She described the way the girlfriends would be around Hugh Hefner in groups during intimate interactions, and how she eventually moved into his bedroom and began spending time with him one-on-one. She admitted their intimate time together wasn't enjoyable to her, but that she started to appreciate the times they would spend watching old movies together and how an emotional bond began to develop.
One of the main reasons that Holly Madison remained in the mansion is the fact that she was feeling guity and ashamed for her actions. She felt that she had crossed a moral line that she had previously drawn for herself when she became intimate with Hugh, and she felt incredibly disgusted with herself. "I had locked myself into the situation in a way because of the shame involved," said Madison. She went on to declare that she started to feel that if she left it would be the same as being discarded, but if she stayed, there was a chance she could make something of this situation in some way.
When Holly first moved into Hugh's bedroom and became his main girlfriend, she felt this to be a truly flattering role. She felt special and felt as though she was in a position of hierarchy over the other girlfriends. However, she soon realized what moving into Hugh's bedroom and being his main girlfriend actually involved. She was now forced to share one on one time with him at night and was essentially trapped with him while the other girls got to go out and enjoy life outside of the mansion. The other girlfriends became full of animosity towards her, and she soon became quite hated by the group.
Being one-on-one with Hugh Hefner changed the dynamics of their relationship very quickly. It wasn't long before Holly Madison felt that she was becoming increasingly attached to him. Unfortunately, her emotions weren't developing in a healthy way. She want on to describe her feelings by saying, "It was a very Stockholm syndrome kind of thing where I felt like I identified with him, he was complimenting me so much, I started in my mind started blaming all the other problems on the other women."
Holly Madison's lifestyle wasn't a sustainable one. She was always inebriated and admitted that she was aware that her "brain was getting slower." She was feeling that she had no ambition or drive, and she was becoming deeply depressed. Holly indicated that she was given anti-depressants just before Girls Next Door aired, and she realized she was spiraling out of control. She even opened up to reveal that she became suicidal and became seriously emotionally disturbed. She says, "I think it was part of being nervous, partly doubting myself, partly being in this environment where I was always drinking and my mind was never stimulated."
Holly Madison was pushed into being Hugh's main girlfriend because none of the other girls wanted to play that role. When she found a way to focus on the positive aspects, such as feeling special, soaking up Hugh's compliments, and enjoying movie nights together, Hugh perceived her as being obedient and well-behaved. When the other girlfriends would act in a manner that wasn't favorable, he would point out Holly's behavior as being "more desirable," and that led to a whole lot of animosity. They girls were catty towards one another. Holly said, "I was kind of always in fear of getting sabotaged by other women, getting kicked out, him yelling at me or embarrassing me in front of other people."
Hugh Hefner wasn't able to have kids with Holly and pushed back at the thought of ever getting married. He wasn't interested in anything beyond the arrangement they already had, and Holly was becoming increasingly frustrated by her lifestyle. She really wanted to have children and was seeking a more normal lifestyle. She wasn't happy with any aspect of her life in the mansion and decided to break free from it all for good. She is the one that decided to leave Hugh, although she was guilt-ridden about doing so. She had promised to be by his side for the rest of his life, but knew that this was a promise she just couldn't keep.
Holly Madison may be best known as Hugh Hefner's main girlfriend in the Playboy mansion, but in reality, those years were nothing more than a snippet of her life - a life that she has left behind. She has moved on to explore relationships outside of the mansion and has fulfilled her dream of having children. Looking back, she is now very happy that she didn't end up having kids with Hugh and declares that the best part of her life are the years she has lived outside of the mansion.
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